Facing almost certain death

The past few weeks has seen me promoted to a PE TA. I say promoted, but really it’s just the same job, just with a lighter than light timetable and being instantly cool, because PE seems to be everyone’s favourite lesson; except for year 8 girls who appear to go down with a different ailment every 5 minutes. I spend most of my days floating around the school looking for classrooms that have a child’s birthday that day; aka a cake hunt. A promotion for my stomach, perhaps.

I’ve also being tutoring 3 siblings twice a week. This basically involves sitting on a very plush couch and having the 3 of them take turns to have me do their homework and wow them with my native English prowess. The middle child has taken to offering me tea, which I politely decline, as I wasn’t sure she knew how to make a cup. Turns out I was right; she saunters in one evening 10 minutes after leaving to “get a pen,” clutching this glass mug of honey coloured drink. I wonder how she’s clutching a glass cup filled with boiling water so tightly. Turns out that it was, in fact, cold water filled with tea leaves. I’ll give the girl credit; she’s got the basic idea right. Just putting it into practice turned out to be wildly unsuccessful. Needless to say I was more than relieved when her mum came home to rectify the situation.

This week saw us have a long 4 day weekend. Naturally, this has been a long time coming and we were eager to make a quick escape out of the city, to the mountains nearby. A quick hour and a half journey later and we were in the mountainous region of Chimgan; being one group of about two staying in our plush hotel that weekend. Our little cottages were rather spacious and provided the perfect setting for what can only be described as a tasteless rendition of Cards Against Humanity.

Our home; questionable stains and broken toilets by the time we left

Chalet livin'

Views for days

Day 1 was spent experiencing almost certain death on a cable cart up to the top of the mountain area we were in. It was a wise decision to look, neither up, nor down. Upon nearing the top, we were accosted by a man on a rock wielding a camera and throwing compliments towards our approaching car. Obviously we smiled encouragingly for what might be a man with a dream to be a photographer, and I further encouraged his career by happily buying our prints upon reaching the top.

Luckily they caught the smiles after we got over the initial shock

Do you even have any safety standards?

Does anyone even know this cable car ride is operating?

Our hike further up was brief but scorching, avoiding wild horses on the way. We found, and were vaguely successful at breaking into a weather station at the top, happily and thankfully avoiding arrest at the inappropriate posing done on said station. I am now expecting my invite to be an H&M model imminently.

Weather station not made for climbing on

I maintain we didn't get carried away

H&M, I'm awaiting your call now

The journey home was only slightly distressing, with our car bumping into another car’s wing mirror. Surprisingly, both cars stopped, if only for a 45 second yelling much before driving off with even more vengeance than before.

Look into the distance they said

We celebrated our survival to the mountains at a fast food place that conveniently served £1 cocktails and £3 bottles of champagne. Acting like the ballers that we clearly are, we made our way to a couple of other places throughout the course of the evening, eventually managing to get ourselves thrown out of one place for accidentally drinking someone's bottle of Jack Daniels and helping ourselves to their fruit platter. An honest mistake, it was agreed by all, as we were not so cordially removed by the bouncers. Not even sorry; apple and grapes are a perfect midnight snack.

 

Squadding